Atmospheric Muffin

Someone suggested I try an “atmospheric muffin” as it was the newest and most wonderful option for breakfast or with morning coffee — and as I could not imagine for the life of me what an atmospheric muffin might be, I started a long, grueling, and sickening search of Asphaltum’s many, many, disturbingly many muffin shops.

First, Connecticut Muffin, a place I’ve always avoided. No luck. Then a new place, Come Meat Muffin and Bookstore, a name which I don’t understand, but anyway: no atmospheric muffins. Overly Diffused Muffins sounded equally unappealing to me, and it was, but still no atmospheric muffins. Kozmic Muffin couldn’t help me either. Nor could Muffin Construction Company. Then I dragged myself to Birkenstock’s Muffins, something I’d said I’d never do, but no atmospheric muffins there either, though they did advertise something called a “foot muffin.” I got out as fast as I could. Aunt Norman’s Bakery couldn’t help me. I had energy for one more: Self-Righteous Muffin: no atmospheric muffins to be found.

I’ve given up. I don’t even like muffins, anyway, and I never did. I suppose the hope was that atmospheric muffins might be the anti-muffin or something, but I’m beginning to think they don’t exist at all.

I Probably Slept With You

As in: I probably DIDN’T sleep with you. But if I happened to, and you’re reading this: get a life somewhere else. As for Pep-O’s, I’m still having a hard time finding them. As for “the economy”– in spite of all the bad news– I still look around me, here in Asphaltum, and it looks to me like people are spending like there’s no tomorrow. Perhaps there will be no tomorrow. Some day there will be no tomorrow. But right now, it sure looks like a lot of wealth and waste and not caring. Though it sure is hard to find Pep-O’s. As far as these blog things, I’m just about through with it.

What is Wrong with THIS Town?

I walk the streets day and night, stopping in one store after another, some owned by Fortune 500 companies, some owned by the Chinese government, some owned by Charles Jones, some owned by my parents, most owned by rich, hardworking Greek immigrants and their families, or old Italian families, but many owned by recently arriving people from Puerto Rico, and some owned by Hasidic Jews, one owned, even, possibly by Tony Franciosa’s brother Vito. Anyway, the thing these stores all have in common is that NONE of them carry Pep-O’s! Where does a healthy young woman buy her Pep-O’s in this stupid town?!?

Reason for Concern

This is it?

http://themossproblem.blogspot.com/

I don’t think I’ll quit my job as opera critic just yet.

Job Offer

I guess I’ve probably kind of ignored this thing for awhile. I haven’t been doing much lately that I want to talk about. But, anyway, I got a JOB offer from an ex-friend of mine (it’s a long story), Tony Franciosa, to write for, or do something LIKE writing for– I mean it had better be more than answering the phones– this new online publication called THE MOSS PROBLEM. What the hell that means remains to be seen. And whether or not I can put up with Tony remains to be seen, but seeing as he seems like he’s ready to forgive ME, I guess I should give him a chance. And it sounds better than anything I have going on lately, or at least potentially more FUN, so… we’ll see.

New Apartment

I just moved into this new place, though it’s kind of small. I wouldn’t say it’s one room, it’s more like a quarter of a room. If anyone has some really complact furniture, let me know.

I Give Up

Because my Friendster blog was overrun with stalkers, or one in particular, my friend Tony (the actual Tony, not the one impersonating my friend Tony) talked me into starting a blog here. I guess there are so many of these things now (blogs) that it really seems pretty anonymous. So don’t expect me to use my real name, put up any pictures, or give out my telephone number!
–Dominique